Today we got the opportunity to pay our respects to Mum at the Chapel of Rest. Most importantly, for me, it was the opportunity to take away a final image of her completely at peace. Watching Mum pass away was a very difficult thing to do, something I am glad I was able to do, but it left a pretty raw final image of her. To see Mum peacefully at rest today was quite beautiful and gave me that wonderful final image to take with me. She was simply fast asleep and no longer in pain.
The last 2 weeks since Mum died have been full of differing emotions. I think my sister hit the nail on the head when she said she felt like she was kind of acting. It's very difficult to know what is right way to feel and behave. Ali my sister, Noel my brother and myself have very different ways of coping and getting through each day. I firmly believe that there is no right way or wrong way and we each must do what works for us. For myself I seem to have blocked out a lot of memories which I have put down to my body's way of self preservation and protection. What happened today was very emotional and it stirred up a lot of feelings inside of me. Over the last 2 weeks I have felt a sense of relief that Mum is now finally at peace, but today the complete sense of loss certainly came very much to the fore again.
The funeral is the next big hurdle on September 21st. I believe we could be looking at a church packed out which would be a lovely way to say goodbye to Mum.
Mum's four and a half year battle with bowel cancer came to the end we never wanted to see. Bowel cancer is a horrible disease and takes away far too many people unnecessarily. I will continue to try and raise funds for the Beating Bowel Cancer charity and do whatever I can to help raise awareness about this awful illness. If you would like to support my fundraising please take a look at my fundraising website.
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